Wednesday, April 02, 2008


I was surfing a couple of minutes ago and found one of the most hilarious self-descriptions I have seen in years. Please indulge yourself:

I am the official wife of Mr John Smith (*). I am a teacher, which apparently means an upstanding, moral member of the community, but actually means the following: I can spot incorrect grammar and spelling a mile off. I know all of the top children's TV shows. I can make up games on the spot. I realise there are never enough pencils/gluesticks/scissors in the world. When I see a child misbehaving in the supermarket I automatically give them "the glare". I am immune to the smell of farts and urine. A social life was a thing I used to have at uni. I know the life story of every single child in my class, and can recognise them all from the back of their head. Wine is essential to help me mark books. I have programmed myself to say "my love" or "yes darling" instead of "you fucker". In the same way, I automatically say "oh sugar" when something goes wrong. I dread notes from parents. The word OFSTED or OBSERVATION sends blind panic through my system. Weekends are spent planning for next week, holidays are spent writing reports. I can maintain a straight face in ANY (farting) situation. I soon realised that although school hours are 8.30-3.30, my day begins at 6am and finishes at 10pm. I realise some names I will never name my own children, due to experiences with children who have that name! Tea and Coffee are my life (except when marking). The staffroom is my sanctuary. Packed lunches are a part of daily life. I want to choke a person when they say "Oh, you must have such FUN everyday. This must be like playtime for you." I also want to stab any person who says the following with a compass "Teaching? That's just about learning how to write on a whiteboard right?" I know what all the "must haves" for children are right now. I Know it's all about the blag. I can sense misbehaviour without actually seeing it. I don't know whether to laugh or cry when someone says "Teaching? That's a 9-3 job! You're so lucky!" - FUCK OFF! I say things once, then repeat them, then ask if everyone understands what I'm saying, before repeating again.

(*) Fictitious name

1 comment:

scrat said...

wonder what our esmt Profs name their kids?